The Importance of a Good Vacuum

Before I share my vacuum story, I need to give some background. J over at Oh the Joys and I email back and forth from time to time. Her blog is so unbelievably hilarious that I sometimes feel compelled to share random stories with her, and the rest of the ten million people that read her blog, about funny things that have happened to me. From time to time a comment will compel one of us to email the other with deep and thoughtful questions about the details of the story. ( and those are just her poop posts!) This vacuum story sparked just one of those kind of email conversations.

Since she is practically my "Blog Idol", I decided to heed her advice and share it with all of you. Therefore if it is really lame or if you find it offensive..........hop right on over to her blog and tell her ALL about it, as it will be ENTIRELY her fault! Then again, if you love it in any way........forget her....it was ALL my idea!

I have a friend who teaches high school. We will call her "Teachie". Teachie is an amazing teacher who motivates her students to strive for excellence on a daily basis. One of the things Teachie does not allow in her classroom is the use of vulgar language. Since high school students tend to be big fans of vulgarity, this is no small undertaking! One day after hearing her students say the word "suck" one too many times, she devised a plan to implement a new word into their vocabulary. Teachie informed her students that they were not allowed to say "suck" in her class. Instead they were to use the term "vacuum". As in, in place of "That really sucks!" the kids would have to say, " That really vacuums!".

Teachie decided to share this story with a group of us one night. It took all of 10 seconds for one of us ( yeah, that would have been me) to take the innocent vacuum to a very dirty place! You can only imagine where the poor word was dragged from there:
Do you vacuum?
Does your husband like it when you vacuum?
Do you make your husband vacuum?
What do you get when you vacuum?
Where's the craziest place you ever vacuumed?
( YOU GET THE IDEA!)

After the fits of hysterical laughter died down, one of the ladies had an uncomfortable expression upon her face. It wasn't until later that she admitted that she does not vacuum, she has NEVER vacuumed, and she never plans to vacuum! To which we all wondered, both aloud and to ourselves, how in the world she got away without vacuuming! I mean.......really.......NO. VACUUMING.EVER! Can you even imagine a life where you did not have to vacuum? It's not a fairy tale....according to this lady....that world truly EXISTS!

Another benefit of using "vacuum" is the sound effects. There have been times when I won't even say the word to a friend, I will just imitate pushing one and make the "VRROOOM" sound. Trust me, it has the same effect!

Coworker gets flowers at work? All you need to do is make the vacuum sound, you will be highly amused, your coworker will be embarrassed, and nobody at work ( that is not privy to the code) need be any the wiser!

"Vacuum" is the new "Paying your bills". Gone are the days where you have to run home and pay your bills! Now your husband, or significant other can look forward to a good vacuum on a special occasion!