For the most part, I keep things light here at the Mayhem.......I like it that way....I'm comfortable with light. I like sharing stories of my crazy life, the silly things my children do, and the dorky ideas that pop into my head. It is very cathartic for me to express myself in such a casual manner here. However, there have been times when I have let a little more of myself show.....the parts that are just below the surface.....my fears, my inadequacies, my demons. The support I have received after sharing....the comments and the emails....made me feel accepted...made me feel like I was not alone.
There are many bloggers who inspire me to delve deeper....they share with an unabashed honesty that secretly pushes me to do the same. I do feel that I am, in some ways, crippled by my job. While I do not openly discuss this blog to people with whom I work....there is always a chance it could be discovered by coworkers or even worse....students. I have posted, at length, about this concern....and actually made changes to my blog to that end. However....it can inhibit me from sharing things that I might consider if there was no fear of discovery. Don't misunderstand....I am very proud of this site. I share myself on a regular basis....and I do not think there is any overly offensive material here........but as a teacher....you walk a fine line! (I do speak of things I would not talk to my children or my students about!)
Maybe my hesitation stems from a post I did a few months ago. I expressed what I felt was a humorous account of some deeper topics. My reward for this was the visit of an evil troll. A troll who posted 4 hideously ugly comments and threatened to send many other evil trolls to my site. A troll who accused me of being racist and many other atrocities. Should I care what a troll thinks? Of course not! Did it hurt my feelings that my writing would be taken to mean that? DEFINITELY! Don't get me wrong.....I know what I am and what I am not...but I would be lying if I told you it did not hurt my feelings deeply and make me question this whole blogging thing.
Julie wrote about political correctness in her "Hump Day Hmmm"post. I found it so intriguing to read about her take on the phenomenon and the response she received from her readers. It got me thinking....(I HATE when I do that!) wondering if I am shackled by that driving need not to offend.
As I stated in her comments, I think my idea of PC goes back to manners. I try to live my life by the golden rule...."Do unto others....", yet I think it has gotten completely out of hand! When a white person does not dare mention a word against someone of another race for fear of being called a racist....I have a problem with that! I have opinions about things.......I don't agree with things that some people do.....that is because of what they DO or who they ARE.....not the color of their skin or the country in which they were born!
Should people be made to keep opinions to themselves simply because it might hurt someone's feelings? I think not!
I do think the problem comes when people take things to a personal level. When a person or a group of people feel attacked then the point that is trying to be made will be lost in translation. For instance, recently I read a lot of posts that discussed welfare. Lawyermama wrote a very interesting piece explaining her stance on the subject. She wrote on a personal level and, while I did not agree with everything she wrote, I respected her for being so honest. In fact, we were able to have a discussion/debate on a very tabu (NON PC) subject without resorting to personal attacks. Then again, I have read another post that expressed similar opinions....but was done so in an accusatory...finger-pointing......offensive kind of way.
To sum up this rambling, nonsense-filled post.....I think that the PC craze is hurting our ability to adequately express ourselves. I feel that common courtesy and manners are terribly important.....but do not offset or overpower our right to share our opinions. Everyone needs to take a deep breath.......chill.....and learn to laugh at themselves! I believe that the majority of people's intentions are good.....and I choose not to focus solely on semantics......as we ALL have been known to put our foot in our mouths from time to time. I, myself, have turned this feat into an art form!
38 Knelt before the Queen:
I must say that I agree with you here. People can be pretty sensitive at times. We, as a society, have taken being PC to an entirely different level.
It does make you question what you should or should not say.
As long as we are not attacking or insulting someone then I think we should just chill.
Oh YAY you!
I appreciate lightness and you know I love your blog. :)
I even get all light and silly at my place now and again.
But seriously! I'm so glad you decided to discuss this.
I'm struggling to figure out this issues because it is large and complicated. The more opinions and takes on it I see, the better this comes together for me.
So I really hope that it does the same for others.
There are few parts you really hit on areas I have been pondering:
* Distinguishing what someone DOES and addressing that rather than who that person IS
* Stopping talking or fearing talking due to concern of being accused of some form of bigotry or (maybe more likely) lack of consideration---as if in this complicated and dynamic PC age we are all supposed to know all of the many and varied individual rules
Your first and last points hit INTENT, which I think gets lost in here somewhere. I'm so glad you brought that up.
I agree that we are hindering communication and need to work not from a reaction or assumption or oversensitivity but from grace and courtesy---which we both extend and accept, even if it is clumsily expressed.
You've added a great deal to the discussion. Thanks. :)
Well said. I have posts that are still sitting in draft because I am not sure how they might be taken. I waited forever before I posted the one about the giant rattle snake we killed. I could just hear the "Ohh she has a gun" or "You killed a living animal, you should have just run it off." My mind knew this was silly-but I was still nervous about that post.
Again-Well said...
There's stating you opinion and then there is being rude and ignorant. I think too many people can't see the difference. Good post.
(I can't wait to see the new hair cut!)
(www.emich.net/~nikki/blog)
I understand your concern. It is the concern of things going to the level of personal attack that makes me choose to be avoid discussions in the political arena.
I also, in real life, have a certain level of anxiety about saying the wrong thing. There is no list of approved/not approved PC terms. I wonder if I'm "up" on the current accepted use.
If one could be certain that one's intent would be looked at, it wouldn't be so hard. You are so right about that.
I'm sorry about the troll incident. I'm sure it was very unnerving.
I couldnt agree with you more!! I have actually chosen not to write about some things for fear of pissing someone off or offending one of my few readers. Its funny, even some posts after doing I hold my breath wondering what some will say in response to what I have written about.
Very well put.
I too, have held back, questioning "is my opinion PC?"
I have a couple posts that are questionable, and chuckled about the borderline nasty comments left for me.
I shrug it off thinking they don't know me nor do I know them, and since I decided to post it, I am putting myself out there as a target for people that may miss the whole point and zero in on an opportunity to voice their view on how I delivered the story.
FANTASTIC post! I'm so glad you jumped in to this topic. I struggle with whether to post about some things as well.
Sometimes it's not the people you expect to be upset that are the problem. Or even the anonymous troll. It's the person who says "I don't like what you think, so I'm going to figure out who you are and get you into trouble." I've faced those subtle threats before & it's scary. I had an implied threat to turn me into my state bar once because of something I wrote/said on my blog. And it really makes you self-censor. It does.
So for me, it becomes not so much fear of being un-pc, but of other repercussions that perhaps go beyond the normal troll like comments. Those I can ignore. When I write about something controversial, like welfare, the people I want to hear from are people I know will disagree with me. But I write about those topics because I want to have a discussion.
I completely agree that when we stop listening to one another and listen as PC police, our dialogue is stunted. And that's just sad.
Blogging gets taken soooo seriously. People just throwing ideas out, get attached. Stereotyping runs ramped. It gets crazy.
I hate PC. It doesn't show respect for the person or their feelings. It just is built on fear of how might label us in return.
I agree people need to lighten up a bit and relax.
My rule is if I am going to attack or be negative om someone else's blog, I just won't comment. What is the point of ranting and getting worked up to someone who won't be open to your comment anyway?
I think you are probably the nicest and most caring blogger-- you are very diplomatic . I marvel at some of your comments at other sites and think--The Queen is so freaking nice--intrinisically kind.
Agreed.
Being too sensitive can ruin it too.
We need to just accept each blog for what they are and visit the ones we love and if we find something we don't love...there's nothing we can do to change it so forget it.
It's blogging. Not brain surgery.
Blogs are written by people and the feelings and opinions are there whether we agree or not.
Well said!
I too tend to keep it light but on occasion have felt compelled to disagree on some topics to which I have strong beliefs. However, it only makes sense to do so in a polite, non agressive way. Otherwise my point winds up completely being missed.
Great topic! It's ultimately about respecting others rights to have their own opinions. No it's not necessary that you agree, but as an adult you should be able to disagree peacefully and intelligently!
How coincidental, I recently wrote a post I titled, Young Dead Soldiers, in which I talk about fear of retribution on the job. Many of my posts are about educational issues, usually at the high school level. I write with the thought in mind that a student might read it and they are certainly welcome to—at the high school level at least. However, I think as teachers we conduct many areas of our public lives such that we try to set a good example for the community; and, that is as it should be.
I do not concern myself much with so-called "political correctness" beyond normal civility and some consideration that we live as a group. You said it just right. We each have to decide what we are comfortable with so that we feel free to express our opinions unconcerned whether others agree. It is so true, as you alluded to; many of us really do care what others think even if we deny it. We, at least secretly, want some degree of acceptance.
I believe you mentioned you taught at the primary level, which begs the question of how much to censor. Probably in the middle primary grades, maybe around third grade and up, one must be concerned about appropriateness. One good thing I have discovered though, just about the last ones to ever read our blogs will be our students. Unless it's on MySpace you can just about count out that group of potential readers. Mostly though I imagine one must worry more about the parents of young students seeing controversial material. The younger the student the more one is concerned.
My Young Dead Soldiers post approaches the subject a little differently. In it, I talk about criticizing authority, specifically one's employer. We enjoy a wider berth in that area being public employees. More importantly though is the notion that we owe our students to do as we say. If I teach my students about The Constitution and The Bill of Rights in class, then outside, in the community, I owe my students to be true to my convictions and not be afraid to exercise the very rights we learn about in class. The twist to the post involves our soldiers in Iraq, or anywhere for that matter. If I as a member of the greater society ask young soldiers barely out of high school to risk their lives to protect my right to expression, then I owe it to those who died to use those rights in their honor.
I appreciate you, so much. I also happen to agree with you on this 100%
Diva- I agree....it is sad when you have to worry about everything that comes out of your mouth!
Julie- I am glad I did it...too! I think the first point you mentioned is very important. Just because I am bothered by something a person has said or done does not mean I take issue with that person's entire race!
For the love- I know exactly what you are talking about...it is next to impossible to keep from offending someone!
I agree, PC gets taken too far. And while I am not afraid my students will find my blog-that would entail their cells getting internet access- I did take out all mention of the name of the prison/school/agency for fear that the wrong person would find me slamming my bosses!
Nicole- that is a very good point...it goes back to what Julie touched on....intent!
Mary-lue- How could you possibly stay "up"? I honestly think it changes on nearly a daily basis! Thanks for your comment about the troll...I did not enjoy it..but I did learn from it!
MB2- I do the same thing. I think most people do! (YEAH! We are not alone!)
Nancy- I need to be more like that! Could you please bottle that up and send me some? Thanks!
lawyermama- Why am I not surprised that you hit the nail EXACTLY on the head! I know, in my heart, that what they are saying is nonsense....but you never know what could get you in trouble! People are crazy!
Stephanie- I love your last statement. I make a habit of doing the same. There have been very few that I have even been brave enough to voice a polite disagreement. I think it is better to just leave it alone!
Ched- What a lovely thing to say...THANK YOU...that really means a lot to me! I feel the same about you...except add incredibly creative to the mix!
JJ- AMEN! I love that....if only we could solve other things with that same mantra....It's raising a willful 3 year old...not brain surgery! Some days I might choose the surgery! :)
Worker Mommy- You are so right...did your mama ever tell you not to argue with an idiot? (People might have a hard time telling who is whom!) In other words...let's behave like the civilized adults we claim to be! :)
Goader- that is the VERY reason you will NEVER find me on either Myspace or Facebook! I like your comment...thanks!
Flutter- From you...that means SO MUCH! Thanks! I feel the exact same way!
David- I believe they call that "Getting Dooced"! (hee-hee)
Queen..that's the reason I'm late in reading this post.(wish I had read it sooner) I've been in kind of a "post-mortem" state in blogging. (like...why am I wasting my time?) Besides not being a good writer (I think I could do better if I felt more at liberty to say things), I don't post many things because of the reasons you cited. That's why my blog is so blah...trying to post things that couldn't possibly offend anyone.
I feel your pain, though I love reading your blog just as it is. You truly have a gift of writing...use it!!
I have been very lucky and have not had any trolls on my blog (knock on wood ... yes I actually just knocked on my desk). But that being said, I did unintentionally offend a Muslim blogger ... you can post whatever you want, you just have to take a second to think before you hit that publish button.
Great post Queen Of The Mayhem, and glad you joined in on this important topic.. ;)
Snoskred
http://www.snoskred.org/
I can't stand politial correctness...
I woul like to ask this ...
WHERE IS COMMON SENSE?? Plain ole common sense!!!
It's gone out the window ...
this country is all wrapped up and twisted in PC.
So far, I haven't had any trolls...
knock on wood....
it kind of surprises me...
I know that when you voice your opinion, you take a risk. I've actually gotten slapped around a litte while commenting on other blogs... very nicely and kindly voicing my real opinion...
I yuv your blog....
I love funny blogs and I like blogs that make me think ...
Now, I'm going over to Lawyer Mamma to see about that welfare thing.
I don't have anything long or particularly eloquent to say. But RIGHT ON!
I'm the same on my blog--mostly light because I really don't enjoy conflict (typical Libra!). Every now and again I'll post something a bit controversial (yesterday, for instance, when I wrote about the new study showing that one's friends can make them fat), and I was pleased with the discussion that ensued--all adults making respectful, constructive comments. If only it could always stay that way.
Ooooh, great post, fun topic. I try to never talk about "controversial" subjects on my blog, because 1. I hate confrontations, and 2. there are few things that I feel educated enough about to eloquently defend.
Light is good. I find myself not reading blogs that are too heavy for me. Life is heavy enough. Blogging for me is a place to escape.
And that sucks about your trolls. I think that means, though, that your a fully initiated blogger!
Yep, I agree. There is a pretty broad area between political correctness and being insensive and crass, and many folks live in a pretty reasonable part of that area... only occasionally vacationing over to the extreme opposites of the dark sides.
Some, however, seem hell-bent on being offensive, difficult, correcting, "setting you straight", and so on...
Perhaps a person afraid of being disagreed with is really a person who is insecure in what they believe or insecure in who they are. We all have some degree of insecurity within, if we tell the truth. But when we are able to move beyond seeing a disagreement as an accusation or something being wrong with one of us, we can also perhaps get beyond the offenses and feelings, and just love people for who they are and accept them as-is. There are plenty of people who claim to not care what others think, but very few who can love those who think poorly of them or criticize them harshly.
I believe true security and confidence come out of identity - knowing ourselves intimately and accepting who we truly are made to be... not who we are told to be or the mold some would attempt to force us into...
J.
I love this post. It's something I've been thinking about too lately. I've posted about the same "blogging/other people" topic, but in a totally different way than you.
That is why I love blogging. It exposes you to many many different types of ideas, some you wish had been your own.
I too, had my share of evil trolls (actually just one that keeps coming back, sorta like spandex)and it's made me think about quitting several times. Lucky for me, that is whey you (and by 'YOU' I mean all of you, have been my support system and have convinced me to go on).
Love it or hate it, it's a community.
Michelle
I am brutally honest on my blog and I often wonder what would happen if I was "found out". The thing is, my blog is the real me, the whole package. I am only human. I think I say things about people close to me that would hurt them if they read it but on the other hand I express my love for them as well. My blog is real life and I hope that I can be forgiven if I am ever discovered.
But in your case, if you want a blog that is all you, it would have to be incognito. Sad but true.
When I first started blogging, I mixed serious posts with all my bitchiness.
One of my more popular post TOTALLY pissed this woman off....she took it personally.....and then she did an entire post about ME!
It was just nuts!
I agree that being PC has been taken to an entirely different level.
The whole discussion of so-called "political correctness" is a red herring.
It is a distraction that allows people to complain that "Oh, I'm just not PC" while they go about offending people left, right, and center.
If people spent a little more time thinking about the things that they said, before they opened their mouths, there wouldn't be so manty arguments on the subject, eh?
All this thinkin' is hurting my head! I wanna see your new haircut, or at least hear what your final decision was!
See, I'm deep like that!
Carrie
As I've said to you, and to a few others:
Its your blog, your rules.
Everyone else can kiss you ass.
Everyone else is a guest. If you want to say something so anti-PC that it offends people, this is your "home" so to speak, go right ahead and rock on.
Great post...I agree..we shouldn't be persecuted for our individual ideas or thoughts..and I am sorry a troll came after you..you definitely don't deserve that....
Well I think this post is highly pathetic and utterly ridiculous this post was. You keep your blog "light?" Poop isn't light. It's a serious topic worthy of debate.
At least in the parenting world. ;)
Seriously, though this might come as a shock, I definitely keep away from serious issues on my blog. I have many reasons for this but one of them is the reactions -- people get really, really nasty at other people just for having opinions.
I like to think that all opinions suck, regardless of who has them. Thus we're all equal and we should all treat people with kindness. Or something like that.
Hello Queen Mayhem!
LTNS, so very bad of me to stay away SO long.
I live by a very simple blog rule...If I don't like what I read or don't like what a blog has to say, I don't go back. I don't feel the need to bash that person for their thoughts, opinions or beliefs, I'm a big girl, if I don't like it....I simply stay in my own blogger sphere.
I agree with you, I think everything has gotten a little overly PC. Luckily I have never had a troll problem, but then I don't post much anymore, leaving little room for any comments at all much less any negative comments...lol
Hope all is well in the Kingdom of Mayhem!
Great post. I too tend to remain rather light on my blog, sometimes out of fear of what others will say or take out of context. It is hard since anyone who knows me would never see the things I say as meant to be mean or derogatory. But strangers may take controversial things the wrong way.
It is sad to have to sensor your speech out of fear. Good for you for taking a stance. We will always have to deal with the trolls in the world, however unfortunate that might be.
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