Relief

The Princess, The Bride, and The Queen!

The Princess and I show off our "made up" faces!

The cake has been eaten, the garter and bouquet thrown, the happy couple sent off onto their honeymoon.........my sister's wedding is OVER! ( Can you hear the "Hallelujah Chorus" blasting in the background......cause it is!)

All members of the Mayhem are thoroughly exhausted....yet, a good time was had by all!

Thursday evening was the rehearsal, and I was a little concerned when I heard The Princess would have to walk by herself.......a few years ago, she was the miniature bride in a wedding and all but refused to go down the aisle right before the ceremony. Now a brave nine year old girl, she sacheted her way down the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Speaking of her face......my sister suckered me into letting her have her hair and makeup done. I had, at first, vetoed the makeup.....but relented to a small amount. While I was moving my sister's car to the hotel, they fixed her face.....and...while she looked beautiful.....she looked WAY too old for my liking. I also had my makeup done and it was very dramatic! I don't see me being able to recreate the look anytime soon!

Friday morning, in the chaos to get everything together and get to my parent's house.......Junior Mayhem decided this was the perfect opportunity to touch the iron! Over an hour of hysterical crying later.......we dropped him off at the daycare, I informed his teacher of his affliction, and we were on our way! JM was in attendance for the rehearsal dinner, but stayed with a sitter for the wedding. Mr. Mayhem, The Princess, and I all had jobs during the ceremony and JM is NOT the kind of child to sit quietly with restraints of some sort! (Have you been reading any of my previous posts?)

We spent the day visiting with out of town family, beautifying, and preparing for the night's events.

My sister was in excellent spirits for the entire day and did not show any signs of nerves until right before the ceremony began. It went off without a hitch, and we were off to the reception. The Princess got to experience her first ride in a limo (a stretch Hummer) and she was loving life! Once there, we danced, ate, toasted, and had a great time!

I am glad my sister got her dream wedding, I am glad we got to see relatives we haven't for a long time........and I am glad it is OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

There's No Time to Waste

After the elation of my son's good report, I have witnessed the agony of two very dear people grappling with the loss of a loved one today. My close friend, "ushered her mother into heaven this afternoon" after a long and painful struggle with a terrible disease. Her mother suffered from Mesothelioma...the cancer from exposure to asbestos. The suffering this woman endured was, at times, unbearable. They made the painful decision to remove her from the ventilator this morning after hearing the cancer had consumed her body. While I know she has gone on to a better place......the selfish part of me grieves for myself. ( I know...it even looks WORSE when I type it!) I cannot even bring myself to fathom that this is something I will be forced to face with my own mother. I have seen the pain, firsthand, that my friend has suffered and I know how much her heart is hurting right now. (at least.....I think I know......I may have no idea) I am just so sad...........so sad that this amazing woman will never see her beautiful grandchildren grow up to be women.......sad that my friend will not have the luxury of leaning on her momma the way I do with mine. I know, in my heart, she is in a much better place......but I am sad.

As if that tragedy was not bad enough, my next door neighbor lost her husband this morning. I kid you not...... Mr. Mayhem was home for lunch ON MONDAY at 11:30.....he saw the man outside, washing his car. He left before noon......minutes after that, ambulances galore swarmed upon my subdivision. He had a cerebral hemorrhage that caused a massive stroke, or a massive stroke that caused a hemorrhage....either way....my neighbor is alone. As I watched her sob in her driveway as she relayed the story.....my heart absolutely broke for her. She is all alone....very little family....no children....in fact, she sobbed, "What will I do now? We were supposed to live out the rest of our lives together!" She made me promise to tell my loved ones how much they mean to me. I have and I will continue to do it......time is too precious not to do so.

Please.......tell those you love how much they mean to you.........You never know when you will be unable to have that privilege!

STOP THE PRESSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There has been a development here at the Mayhem.....a development that none of us saw coming. Junior Mayhem's behavior issues have been well documented and shared on this blog. As many of you well know, I have recently acquired the services of a seamstress to construct an orange jumpsuit in a size 4T!

Well..........believe it or not, we had some good news yesterday. Usually picking up JM brings with it a sense of impending doom.....will I sign a behavior report? Will today be the day they tell me he can't come back? Will I be getting served with the papers of a lawsuit brought by one of his beleaguered teachers? Well, the answer to those questions were a resounding NO yesterday. My baby......bane on the souls of many a preschool teacher........got a GOOD NOTE! Oh yes...you read that correctly! A good note with candy attached! You have to know that is must be extra special if they are willing to attach sugar to the written accolade!

I could have cried! Finally!!!!!!! It was beyond precious to see how proud of himself he was!

Do you hear the cracking sound? I believe that h*ll just froze over! :)

Now......don't you worry.......I have the jumpsuit sitting in the back of his closet. I am sure we will bring it out sooner that I want to admit.....but for this day.....my baby is the champ!

Sleepover Survivor

(In case you don't know....The Princess is the one next to the
girl in the gray shirt on the back row...she has a dark pink shirt on.)
These are some of the girls in attendance.

I did it! I survived a sleepover that included 8 nine year old girls....and believe it or not, it wasn't that bad! At the beginning of the party, I sat them all down and threatened them with calling their mothers if they started any "girl drama".....and surprisingly......that worked! In fact, at one point I heard them start to fuss and one of them said, "Shh.....you know she is going to make us go home!" Who would have thought, one idle threat would make such a difference!

Much to my dismay I noticed a marked difference in some of their behavior. Last year...when I put out a tray full of cheap makeup, they had the greatest time making up their faces....and looked similar to circus clowns when they were finished. This year I heard things like, "Don't put too much, I want it to look natural" and they looked (relatively) normal when they were done! I just don't think I am ready to face the fact that she has enter the "tween" stage!

Of course it was evident that they were not totally ready to give up the kiddie stuff. They played with baby dolls.....babysat.....and dressed up in some of TP's clothes. My favorite part was watching them put on a talent show in the backyard. The judges sat in the tree house part of the swing set and the performers came down the slide and performed their "numbers".

There was movie watching (I had DVRed High School Musical 2), dancing, gossiping, and general girlie silliness! At 10:00 I corralled them to TP's room, set out the sleeping bags and threatened them with being too loud. ( I was ready for BED!) Mr. Mayhem said he heard them talking until almost midnight.....me......I was OUT.....I heard NOTHING!

The next morning they awoke ready for more fun! They played military school until their parents came to pick them up........talk about fun to watch.....a few were the drill sergeants (the mean girls...they called them) and the others had to do things like sit ups, push ups, and all kinds of other things. TOO FUNNY! I don't have any idea where they came up with this idea!

A true sign that they are on the cusp of tweenhood........while watching the movie, a couple of girls commented that they heard Gabriella had been fired......two of them surmised it must be because she was not doing a very good job on the movies.....to which another replied, "No...it's because there were naked pictures of her on the Internet!" They all squealed at the idea and laughed at why ANYONE would take a picture of themselves that way! As for me.....I sat silently.....praying the subject would change before too much more discussion happened and I would have to intervene. Luckily, they moved on quickly!

I still can't believe my daughter is nine years old! Her daddy told her that this would be her last year in single digits....that next year she would hit the big 1-0....to which she replied, "Then I will be a WOMAN!"

Yeah....not if I have ANYTHING to say about it!

All is Well

The Mayhem has returned to its normal state of chaos, as opposed to the heightened state that it had been in for the past few days. I survived my stint alone with the kids..........and Mr. Mayhem survived my discovery that he and his friends frequented a "club"....let's just say this type of club is not a wife's favorite place for her husband to spend time! Is it wrong that it bothers me more that he spent money there? I mean........really........I know MM......and I know there was NO funny business going on.....but WHY do men feel the need to go to these places? The funny part is he gave me such the man answer when I questioned him.."They weren't even that attractive" was his response......Well then...that makes it ALL better!

Honestly, I am not that upset by it.......I am not overjoyed by the idea......but I'll be okay!

It is nice to have him back....both because I missed him, and because I can use the help with the kids! Earlier tonight we were hugging in the kitchen when The Princess says, "Get a room!" I am bothered by this statement for two reasons:
1. Where in the world did she hear this?!
2. Does she know what this means? She BETTER not know what this means!

I fear we may be in trouble!

My utmost respect to those of you who do this parenting thing alone on a regular basis..........you are my hero! :)

I Can't Go It Alone

Mr. Mayhem left early yesterday morning for a four day golf trip....and less than 48 hours into the single mom experience....I have come to the conclusion that I can NOT do it! CAN.NOT.DO.IT.

Getting the kids ready for school today was complete chaos. In the span of ten minutes....I came out to see that the dog had taken Junior Mayhem's toast out of his hand, his sister had retrieved it, and JM was in full meltdown mode because she would not let him continue to eat it! Five minutes later, I came into the living room to see the dog on the couch (she is not allowed on the furniture), The Princess holding two pillows to try and corral her, and JM smacking her with his hand..........and ALL of this was before 7AM AND a full day of work!

I have no idea how single moms do it............I have only been left unattended for less than 2 days and I am about to lose my mind. In fact...these few minutes of freedom were bought with "Blue's Room" on the DVR...and even with that, I have been back in there 4 times to run the dog off and handle other meltdown inducing problems!


On a happier note...I have reestablished my stance on the diet wagon! I feel more like myself and less like the chubby chick who was trying to take over my body! If I can only survive the next 48 hours......I should be fine!

How is your week?

Celebrity?

This is an interesting year in The Princess's and my relationship. Not only am I her mother.....but I am also her homeroom teacher. So far, it has gone quite well. She is an excellent student and we rarely interact as mother and daughter during the day. (Outside of her calling me "Mama"......I considered what to have her call me....but the thought of my own flesh and blood calling me "Mrs. Queen" seemed ridiculous) I wondered what it would be like for her friends to adjust to having me as a teacher......not just TP's mom.

Tonight I got my first taste of what it would be like in social situations with them. One of TP's good friends was having a party and we all went to enjoy the fun. The girls immediately swarmed me chanting "All hail the queen!" OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER.....( come on....you can't be that surprised that I refer to myself as the queen in class) While at first it was slightly amusing....the new wore off......QUICKLY! The rest of the night included at least two of them at a time......surrounding me......asking me ALL kinds of questions..........CONSTANTLY!

I have to tell you......it was really annoying! It got me thinking......I experienced the slightest view into the public life of a celebrity. I simply cannot imagine having people (even with the best of intentions) hassle me 24/7! NO thank you! I believe I am happy being a legend in my own mind!

Now......if I can only survive TP's 9 year old slumber party next week without answering 10,000 silly questions!

Don't see that happening!

Would it have been wrong of me to scream, "I'm off the clock!" each time they asked me something? Yeah............thought so!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Four Years of Junior Mayhem

Four years ago, today, I was laying in a hospital bed after 16 hours of labor. I was holding my 10 pound 4 ounce baby boy ( oh yes.....he was really that large....and no I did not have a section......and believe it or not....they took him a week early!) and he was making the most precious cooing sound I had ever heard. Mind you....the bottom fell out the next day when the months of colic hell began...but on this day....4 years ago....my family was complete. My baby is 4 years old today!

I have mixed feelings about this. While I have NO longing for another child, (and made sure of that fact by sending Mr. Mayhem for a little snippity snip) I am a little saddened at the fact that there is no baby left in him. Then there is another part of me that hopes that 4 will be a more peaceful year and he will miraculously become more compliant. (HEY, a woman can dream!)

I know the time will come....far too quickly.....where he will no longer tell me, "Momma I need a hug and a kiss" and the thought of that makes me sad. But it should be interesting to see the boy he grows up to be! I suppose he will find a use for that stubborn will of his.....sooner or later!

Happy birthday Junior Mayhem.....Momma loves you.....hard head and all!

Bible Update from JM:

On the way home from school the other day, JM was asking his dad about the ponchos he saw in the back seat. When MM told him it was to protect us from the rain, JM got very serious and said,"You know....it was raining the day Jesus died on the cross." I decided to probe his knowledge a little further. He told me that "Jesus died on the cross and he was very sad......because Adam and Eve were hitting him."

This is found in that same elusive part of the bible that speaks of Jesus's disdain for poo-pooing in your underwear!

I Will Remember

This is a commercial that was aired only once right after 9/11. I found it very moving. In a difficult time when so many are suffering, I will remember..... I will remember those who fell victim to an evil plot. I will remember those who sacrifice their lives to protect mine. I will remember why I am proud to be an American.

Desperation...Thy Name is Queen!

I feel certain that many of my loyal readers would not be surprised to hear another story about how neurotic and borderline OCD I am........but you might not know that I also have a desperate need to get attention, be liked.....oh...let's just call a spade a spade....this chick wants you to notice her.....ALL THE TIME! I wear my "Life of the Party" hat LOUD and OFTEN....in fact, I simply cannot stand to be ignored! It has gotten so bad that I have taken to interrupting.....I KNOW, I know...I can't STAND when people interrupt me and I am seeking professional help for this addiction!

Because of this need, I cannot stand to be alone! I do not enjoy doing things by myself (Well, I would like to use the restroom alone...but we all KNOW that is NOT going to happen with kids!) So when I found out I was going to a training for a new software, I immediately went on the hunt for another person who was going. Sadly, my hunt turned up nobody and I was destined to attend alone....the MOST dreaded word in the world for me!

I wasn't sure exactly where the meeting was being held, as I had lost the sheet with all the information on it and I could not remember the website where I got it all from. (Isn't that professional of me?!) Luckily, I found the place and made my way into the parking lot.

Did I mention I don't like doing things alone? As I exited my vehicle I descended upon a group of ladies, asking them if they were attending the meeting. Lucky for them, they weren't...and I went on to scout out new victims. I found another lady and suckered her into "being lost together" and wandering the building. Once we located the lab, I am sure she felt she would soon be rid of me....but NO SUCH LUCK! I planted my happy behind right next to her.....I did add that if she had friends that were coming I would move......but I didn't mean it!

Later in the meeting, I turned to the lady on the other side of me (as the first one was chatting with her friend that showed up late......) and said, " I hate not having anyone to talk to...so we have to talk to each other!" Can I say that she was less than enthused at this idea.....but she relented, as it was clear I was NOT giving up without a fight! Can you even imagine how she described the experience to her coworkers when she returned..."Well, the software was great.....but this needy freak next to me was driving me CRAZY!"


Subtlety......that's just NOT how I roll! :)

Something is Lacking

Having spent the majority of my life in the deep south, I am surrounded by social eating. Being a fan of the food............I have happily partaken in the fun! For years, I went on my happy way....eating myself into oblivion and still maintaining a cute shape. (AHHHH...the joys of youth) THEN...the bottom dropped out.......I found that my snacking tendencies were leading to an increase in my girth.......a very unwelcome increase!!!!!!!! That was many, many years ago....and I have NEVER recovered!

I love food! ( Think Goldfinger shouting, "I love GOOOOLD"...but instead of riches...think fattening, salty food!) It makes me happy....it doesn't judge me.....it thinks I'm beautiful......well, at least it tastes good!

What I don't love is looking chubby! I hate it....actually.....and I am so disgusted with myself. My sister's wedding is less than a month away and I have put on some LBs! Wasn't I supposed to be smoking hot by the time the wedding came? What is wrong with me!!!!!!!!!!! UGH!

I lack motivation.......end of story.......I long to be thin........but....throw chips and dip in front of me and it's over...O V E R!!!!!!!!!!!

I am even such a loser that I took Lotta's "Future M" badge off my site! No sense sharing my shame with others than the ones that already know!

I need to get motivated.......but.....I just can't seem to do it!!!!!!!!

HELP!

Girls' Night Out!

Nothing sends fear into the hearts and minds of husbands and boyfriends like the concept of a bachelorette party on Bourbon Street in New Orleans! Not necessarily known for it's strong, moral fiber, Bourbon provides the perfect haven for a little good old fashioned decadence! Speaking of decadence......well, I'll get to that a little later!

My sister's bachelorette party started simply enough....being the nosy brat that she is....she had already both guessed and drilled people for details enough to know where we were going! A friend and I picked up she and another friend and we were on our way! Of course......it has been raining down here.....EVERY afternoon.....and Saturday was no exception! When we exited the interstate I was made painfully aware of this as I drove through extremely high water......factor that in with my innate fear of driving in NO and you can imagine I was a happy lady! So...it was with immense joy that I arrived at my hotel.....the illustrious Astor Crown Victoria......and by illustrious, I mean craptastic from start to finish! If you are blessed enough to visit the great city of New Orleans........DO. NOT. STAY. HERE. Sure, it looks nice.......but...well, let me just share the laundry list of things that p*ssed me off about this place:

1. We waited 45....(YES, you read that number right) minutes on the street, outside the hotel to valet park.......FORTY-FIVE FREAKING MINUTES!

2. When I arrived into my room(45 minutes later) it smelled musty and the air did not work very well. ( I did not change rooms as we were next door to the other girls)

3. After waiting 45 minutes for the privilege of paying almost $30 a night to park, and sleeping in a none too cool room, I got the added bonus of waiting 30 minutes to check out....that's right....no express check out here......NO SIR!

Believe it or not....outside of the room debacle, we had a great time! We played silly games in the room, ate at a nice restaurant, and hit the Quarter with a vengeance! We were all decked out in our Mardi Gras tiaras and glitter ( so wrong....but SO much fun!).

Almost immediately the bouncer of a certain "dancing" club ( this type of dancing includes a pole....FYI) asked us to stand on the balcony and throw beads to the passersby. Never ones to refuse a fun offer, we gladly complied. We signed the guest book using our "stage" names and headed to the balcony! We had great fun shouting, "Show your moobs" to the crowds as they passed! (Moobs=man boobs) Of course, my infantile humor side was HIGHLY amused at the usage of such a silly word! Many moob sightings later, we moved on to the next stop.

Earlier I mentioned the French Quarter was a haven for decadence......and, it just do happened that this weekend was the "Decadence Festival". This festival is a gay and lesbian celebration that brings people in from all over the world. Never being one to worry myself with another's orientation, I delighted in watching the interesting sights. One of my favorite interactions was with these two male couples from Holland. Within 20 minutes of talking to us...three out of the 4 of them were wearing our tiaras! I could have probably hung with them all night....except for one thing.......3 out of the 4 of them had the most horrific B.O. I had ever smelled! To be honest......I think I laughed more watching the other girls' expressions when one of them would raise their arms to dance! My sister told me that when she ran into them again later, she felt compelled to tell one of them of their odorous offenses.........kind of like a public service announcement!

Shortly after one, a few of us headed back towards the room. Some of the young chicks hung back, as they were not ready for the night to end! The late night partying brought about even more wildness! Of course, by this time I was fast asleep in the room. I never claimed I could hang!

Fun night........one more function down........rehearsal dinner and wedding to go!

How was your weekend?


**Editor's Note: I emailed the general manager of the hotel. He sent me an email (only a few hours later) that was copied to the entire executive board, assuring me that they would be working to right the wrongs I mentioned. He also apologized profusely for my bad experience and offered me a gift certificate to see how the "hotel truly operated". One of two things has happened....either he is really going to look into these problems, or he is really good at making it seem like he is going to take care of these problems. Either way.....I feel somewhat vindicated!