Selective Ignorance

There are many "selective" diseases suffered by the people who reside in the Mayhem.

Both my husband and my children suffer from selective deafness. This horrific disease strikes the victim completely unable to hear.....especially when the words delivered are unwelcome, or less than glowing. Mr. Mayhem, like many husbands, is most prone to the disease when I am asking him to do something for me, speaking about my feelings, or ESPECIALLY when I am fussing. It does not matter what decibel level I rise my voice to.....he simply can't be bothered to listen. Junior Mayhem suffers from this disease simply because the sheer denseness of his hard head does not allow for ear canals.....AT. ALL! The Princess is struck when she is preoccupied with something better when I am talking to her. Of course...as she inches ever so much closer to "tweendom" I fear the symptoms will only worsen. Mind you.....I am the true victim of the dreaded disease......as my reactions can span the gambit of mildly annoyed to truly violent...depending on the situation.

Let's not forget selective blindness. This renders the victim unable to see their hands in front in of their faces. I liken the symptoms to not being able to tell your "*ss from your elbow". Victims are oblivious to any item of clothing, toys, or shoes that can be found on the floor. Husbands can also fall victim when they are unable to SEE that their wives are CLEARLY upset with them. Ladies.....how many of you have said, "I shouldn't HAVE to TELL you I am upset.....you should know me well enough to see that for yourself!" ( But we all know they DON'T........I think they also suffer from selective brain malfunction....but I digress) Again I suffer the most from this.......poor, poor me.........the only one in the ENTIRE Mayhem that can actually see the sock left in the living room!

Thus far I thought I had escaped the grasp of these dreaded diseases. I mean....really....somebody's got to be able to take care of business! But, as I picked JM up from preschool today, I realized that....I too...suffer from a selective affliction. My struggles with JM and his behavior (or lack thereof) are well documented here. We have signed many a behavior note, met with many a teacher and director, and had to take matters into our own hands when the school would not dole out the discipline my hard headed son so desperately needs not to act like a felon. I realize now that I have adopted my own disease......selective ignorance. If I am not signing a behavior report, I don't want to hear about his misdeeds. Today JM raced over to me when I walked into his room. He immediately announced, "Momma I was VERY good today!" Beaming with pride and secretly thanking the good Lord there was no note waiting for me, I noticed the faces of the two girls who were in charge of the room. A glance passed between the two.......a glance I know ONLY too well........a glance I have given to my fellow teachers in a conference with a crazy parent (though I am much more discreet....AMATEURS!). The glance that says, "Yeah.....RIGHT...you were very good today......and I'm the Queen of England!"

Now.....most good mothers would have inquired as to the reasoning behind the look....BUT NOT I! I, Queen of the Mayhem, suffer from selective ignorance and live in a land of fairy tales and cotton candy clouds. If they didn't fill out a form, or feel compelled to share.....who am I to question my exuberant 4 year old? So I snagged my son, before they could change their minds and voice the reasoning behind the look, and walked out triumphant. Ignorant to the truth.....but TRIUMPHANT nonetheless!