A Bad Sign

Nobody ever said being a mother was easy.

I suppose nothing that is worthwhile is.

I often feel as though I am treading water.....my head JUST above the top.....and if ONE more thing is added, or goes wrong....I will drown.

I am tired of treading water.

Is it a bad sign that you are so hyper-stressed, agitated, and neurotic that a friend slips you a Xanax and INSISTS you take it?

What if this all took place at a theater where you and your daughter were set to watch High School Musical (the stage show)?

What if the thing that had you so worked up was that the people in the row in front of you (PEOPLE YOU DID NOT EVEN KNOW) had people sitting in their seats?

I am currently in search of a rehab clinic that specializes in neurotic, anxiety-ridden mommas who are simply wired too tightly to function properly in regular society......but does not discourage the occasional cocktail.

Or.....maybe I could recapture a little perspective......perspective would be nice.


Editor's Note: Feeling much better today........daughter became ill and I was forced to leave work. She slept all afternoon and I caught up on all (most) of the stuff I needed to do......without having to feel guilty about missing work! We'll close this whinefest for the time being! Thanks!

**Found my perspective......here.

Again with the Mother of the Year?!

My deep rooted love for all things Ipod has been well documented here. I simply cannot listen to the radio anymore....what with all the inane talking....and my inability to change the song (or listen to it again) at my whim....is simply too much to accept!

I do make an effort to censor what my kids listen to....for the most part...but I am such a fan of 80's music....and I really felt like most of it was mundane enough.

However....the other night.....while "Rock and Roll Guy" was singing a little ditty on his trusty guitar at my neighbor's house....I was a little shocked and appalled to hear his lyrics.

They went something like this:

" My love runs cold.....(CLAP, CLAP...oh and YES...he clapped)......My memory has just been sold....my angel is a centerfold....ANGEL IS A CENTERFOLD!"

It was a very proud moment for me. One can only hope he will refrain from singing this Playboy lovin' song at school. You know, the school.....WHERE I WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't be sad.......we can't all be as wonderful a parent as I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sleepover Pics

Here are some pictures fron The Princess's Sleepover.

"The Crime Scene"

Have you ever seen such giggly dead people?

See....she is more dedicated to her art!

When all else fails....cover your laughing face with lots of hair!

Sadly...The Princess would not live to see her real 10th birthday!

The Princess is ready for some cake smashing! (Before)

(During)

(After)

Yet another cake victim. Did I mention I had another can of frosting?

Sleepover Survivor

The girls are gone, my house is slowly returning to normal, and The Princess is happily playing with her new gifts......I have officially survived the sleepover!

For the most part.......it went very smoothly. I laid very strict ground rules at the beginning of the party.......most of which centered around cell phones. I mean......really.....cell phones? These are FIFTH graders! 6 out of the 10 girls had cell phones. Phones I made them leave on the bar and use only with my permission. I told them they were free to call or text their parents at any time....but anything else was off limits! I knew this day would come......but not when my daughter was turning 10!!!!!!!!! Did I mention that these girls had really NICE cell phones? Two of them had the SAME phone I do! One of them had a Blackberry......WTF? A blackberry.....at 10?! I really worried that my daughter was spoiled (she is) until I saw these girls....REALLY!

Another rule was about fighting. I told them that any drama would earn them a ticket home. All of them have had me as a teacher and they are well aware that I mean what I say. Luckily for me, the only drama erupted after I went to bed and had solved itself before I awoke.

The biggest hit of the party was the tradition of smashing their faces into the cake. I specifically bake a cake for this purpose each year. They were so into it, I had to re -frost the top of the cake so all of them had some to get on their faces! It was a HUGE mess......but lots of fun!

Later they got into the makeup. But....instead of making themselves up to be beauty queens...they all looked like frightening monsters. JM went out in his Spiderman mask, gloves, with a Batman sword and entered the house to tell me, " I killed them all dead!" I went out to see them sprawled all over the back yard like a crime scene. It was quite amusing. ( They were laying across swings, halfway down the slide, on the lawn....good stuff! I told them I have never seen dead people giggle so much!) I have LOTS of photographic evidence that I plan to blackmail them with on a later date.

Mr. Mayhem and I went into our bedroom at 10:00. At 11:30, I made them turn the light off in the living room. At 1:30...I was a little less nice about the need for them to quiet down and at 2:30....they finally gave up the fight and went to sleep!

While they were all very good....I have never been so happy to see people in my life as I was to see their parents at 10:00 this morning!

All done....until next year!

I am Not Prepared!

September is always a hectic month, here at the Mayhem. Being the great planner that I am....I had my kids 11 days apart. Mind you, 5 years and 11 days....but I digress!

I often look at this month with a mixture of excitement, horror, and melancholy. This year was no exception. In a year full of big changes, my baby turned five, started kindergarten, AND is managing to act pretty reasonably at school. (Those of you who have been reading for any length of time know this is a miraculous turn around from last year!) As if all of that was not traumatic enough, my daughter is turning 10. DOUBLE DIGITS!

Being the wily child that she is, she caught me in a weak moment (I fear I might have been smoking crack) and I agreed to let her invite 8 girls to a sleepover. It seemed like only a distant fantasy when we first discussed it. But now.....as the day looms over my head (it's Friday)...I am rethinking my decision. Not enough to cancel it......of course......just experiencing a slight amount of dread!

Can you even wrap your mind around the amount of drama that will ensue when the hormones of 9 girls collide?

Will I get ANY sleep on Friday?

Will I be able to refrain from invoking physical harm on other people's children?

Will the girls squeal again when JM decides to tee-tee in front of them? ( That was a high point last year)

Will my house EVER be the same again?

Am I justified to threaten my husband with divorce if he attempts to escape to our neighbor's house?

Can I escape to my neighbor's house?

Is it too late to run away and join the circus?

How wrong is it to drink a cocktail in front of my daughter's young guests? What about 10? (OH....settle down! We both know that is not going to happen.......probably!)

Okay....you get the idea. It should be interesting. Say a special prayer for me while you are enjoying a relaxing Friday night.....for I fear there will be NONE of that going on at the Mayhem!

Attack of the SuperHeroes

Junior Mayhem had his firth birthday this weekend. At his party, he got some really cool superhero gear. Since we have no lives....we all had some fun playing with it......ENJOY!

Mr. Mayhem couldn't resist sporting the Hulk mask. It is really cool and kind of creepy all at the same time. You might not be able to tell...but the eyes glow green.

Here is the Little Hulk all decked out with his mask and "Hulk Smashes" (as he called them). When you slap them together, they roar and say..."You are making me angry....you won't like me angry!" How appropriate for my little monster!

The Hulk and Daddy battle. Daddy only has a Batman sword to protect himself!

The Hulk and Batman stop their epic battle...only long enough to pose for a picture. You may be wondering why JM is not wearing a shirt......good question! Whenever he takes his shirt off...he is a "Punching Guy". Yeah....no clue.....none...whatsoever!

And....so....the battle truly begins!

It would seem that Batman reigns victorious over this battle!

I'm a Slacker

What with school starting, JM's kindergarten run, and the hurricanes, I have been truly slacking on a few things I needed to recognize here at the Mayhem!

I wish I could say it will get better....but I am really trying to limit my lying to important things! :)

Some WONDERFUL people have bestowed little ole me with some serious bloggy love and.....even though it is coming as SLOW as molasses.....I really wanted to share my appreciation with them and all of you!

First of all Carrie was kind of enough to invite me to her dinner party. I was having a terrible week and I cannot tell you how much this helped to lighten my mood. I love this gal....not just because she seems like someone I could have SO much fun with....but the way she writes about her family....you can just TELL how much she loves them. I might not share the same political views as this spunky redhead.....but I KNOW we will get along when we meet. That's right....I said WHEN......she invited me to a party after all! If you have not read this lady before....you are missing out....go there......NOW! :)

Second of all, Goteeman gave me the "I Heart Your Blog Award". I am constantly amazed at how funny and upbeat he is. Having faced a lot of challenges in his life, you might expect him to whine, vent, or throw a temper tantrum....you know, things I would do...but instead, he is funny, witty, and extremely uplifting. A man of great faith......I am so glad he found his way to my blog.

Third of all, Mammarazzi gave me a "Bloggy Goodness Award". I just love to read her stories about her life and her sweet daughter J. Seriously....this woman goes the extra mile when it comes to this girl! If you don't believe me....check out the posts on her daughter's last birthday. She is very kind, always has nice things to say, and has a keen sense of humor!

Fourth of all, ( I TOLD you I was a slacker!) Cali Girl Momma gave me the "You Make Me Smile Award". This sassy mother of two sounds like a really cool chick! She is not afraid to share her ups and downs of motherhood....something I particularly like....as we all know I am NOT the candidate for "Mother of the Year". I truly enjoy reading her posts!

It is so nice to have your musings received well by others. I cannot begin to explain what I have gotten from posting. These people are just a few of the MANY awesome bloggers I read!

All of these bloggers are fantastic......STOP reading here and go check them out! :)

Back To Normal?

Things are slowly improving around here......and we are cautiously optimistic about Ike leaving us alone.

I hate that it is headed towards Texas, as I have many dear friends there. Wouldn't be nice if we could just fast forward through hurricane season?

We are back in school.....LSU is playing in Tiger Stadium....really, what more could you ask for? (Except maybe power for the thousands that still lack it....and help for those who lost SO much thanks to Gustav....OR maybe a feeling that the rest of the country cared about our plight!)

With the normal, usually comes the nonsense around here. I am a firm believer in sticking to what you are good at...and trust me, I EXCEL in the ridiculous. It is my comfort zone....my life!

However, of late there has been something bothering me and feel compelled to share it with all of you....(cue the crickets).......dare I say it....the Queen is about to share an opinion about politics.

I am a lifelong Republican. While I am conservative, I do believe my beliefs fall slightly closer to a moderate point of view.

I never like Hilary Clinton. I found her abrasive and robotic from the beginning.

I think Barack Obama is quite charismatic....but not qualified to lead our nation.

I think John McCain's choice of Sarah Palin for a VP was genius. That's right....GENIUS!

I don't mind people expressing their opinions (even passionately) about people who choose to run for public office. I think that if you decide to do so...you open yourself up for public scrutiny. I get that.

But the personal attacks on this woman........are you kidding me? And DON'T get me STARTED on the working mother BS!

(Yep....that hit a nerve...prepare for rant)

I am sick and tired of women having to explain why and how they can be both mothers and have a job outside of the home. Don't get me wrong.....I have all the respect in the world for women who choose to stay home. I know well, from summers at home with my kids, that these women work extremely hard...every day.

So...why are working mothers not given the same respect? Believe it or not...I possess the ability to both perform my job to the best of my abilities AND cultivate my children's social, emotional, and even spiritual well being. Working does not make me any less of a mother. THAT'S RIGHT.........I went there!!!!!!!!!!!

I can do all of this, not because I am Wonder woman, but because I know where my priorities are. My children will always come first........but there is no reason why I cannot have a career as well.

Personally, I am sick and tired of feeling like I need to justify WHY I work!!!!

(Reminding myself it is not all about me.....) Oh....and I would imagine this is how Sarah Palin feels, as well!

Oh...and as I tell my kids.......if you don't know what I am talking about....then I'm not talking to you!

Injury....Meet Your New Friend Insult!

Because I feel compelled to speak for the entire gulf coast, I have to say that hurricane season bites the big one. I mean, really, months and months of doing little more than waiting to see what ridiculously named storm will descend upon is not my idea of a good time! Now, I know what you're thinking....why expose myself to these conditions.....why not move?!

I love the deep south and could not see myself living anywhere else. Where else can you see professionals, rednecks, and overzealous sports fanatics all in one place?

But....really....this latest development is more than my neurotic mind can handle! We are not even recovered from Gustav.....and NO we did not dodge a bullet in my neck of the woods. The bullet came through like a freight train and left destruction as far as the eye could see! And...now....Ike? I mean....are you kidding me? We are not even back in school yet.....will we get any days in before Ike runs us out again? Can you imagine what the storm will do with the UNIMAGINABLE amount of debris we have not had time to clean yet? Do you realize that many people still have large trees laying on top of...and inside of...their houses?

The grocery stores and gas stations aren't even all open yet! How can we stock up for Ike when we can't even restock what we lost in Gustav?

I am not sure I have even cooled back down from the last time I lost electricity and WHO KNOWS how long it will be out if Ike hits us!

I need to lose the 5 pounds I gained stress eating during the last hurricane.

I like hot water.

I don't like entertaining my children with no power.

Ike, you are not welcome here. There is no need to add insult to injury and ravage our communities....really, Gustav did a good enough job of that!

I am so over hurricane season!

The Many Shades of Junior Mayhem

It's difficult being a young man, staring down 5 years old, in today's society. To cope with the stress of everyday life, JM has created certain "alter egos" to get him through the tough times. What with all the playing, Disney channel watching, eating, and sleeping......it's just a lot for one kid to bear!

Without further ado, I thought I would introduce you to a few of the many shades of Junior Mayhem:

1. "Dendis"
Dendis is the effeminate character who can often be seen wearing rubber boots, a pink boa(stolen from his sister's room), the go-to pajama shorts (Speed Racer), and a pair of red heart shaped sun glasses (also stolen from The Princess). As Dendis is quite the diva....he will not answer to ANY name but this one.....and DON'T make the mistake of calling him Dennis...there is a D in there PEOPLE! Oh, I forgot to add that Dendis always speaks of himself in the third person. "Dendis is really thirsty and wants a Caprisun." I might mention that Dendis is Mr. Mayhem's least favorite personality and I am pretty sure the boa and sunglasses met with an untimely death at his hands!

2. "Boto"
Boto is a dog. He runs around my house barking and growling very loudly. He can be very aggressive and refuses to use the potty because "dogs don't use the POTTY!" He often tortures his sister by crawling into her room and refusing to leave. (Of course....most of his personalities do that!) Boto once threw a FIT when he was told that he had to sit at the table to eat with his family and could not eat out of a bowl. I gave pause to wadding up a newspaper and popping him on the nose.....but thought better of it. We are currently shopping for a shock collar to properly train Boto in appropriate behavior!

3. "Mr. M"
Mr. M is modeled after our next door neighbor. JM is obsessed with him. He tells anyone who will listen about how Mr. M is his best friend. Anytime JM is talking on his "cell phone" (Oh yes......it's an old one of mine and he uses it like a pro.....even once commanding me to "turn down the radio" because he could not hear) it is always to Mr. M. Each morning he informs me that he wants his hair to look like Mr. M's. From time to time he insists on being called M!

4. "Rock and Roll Boy"
This hard core rocker can work a pink fuzzy guitar like nobody's business. His concerts are usually held on "stage" in the living room. The stage being the top of the coffee table....do you see why I can't have nice things? Today's concert included a rousing addition of Humpty Dumpty (imagine Steven Tyler rocking out to this hit) and my personal favorite, "Little Jack Corner". The lyrics went something like this (in his best rock and roll voice)" Little Jack Corner.....strum, strum, strum......sat in a corner........eeeeeeeeating his Christmas pie........he stuck in his fumb (insert visual aid here)......and pulled out a flum.......strum, strum, strum.....and said WHAT A GOOD BOY AM I!" The encore included " Oh....yeah....I am SUCH a good boy.....I love to find flums!"

A little later he tired of singing covers and moved on to an original piece. I wanted to share a sample of this yet, untitled masterpiece:
"Oh yeah, I'm the best! I am stronger than you. Who has ears? Does anyone have ears like me? Do you know-ow-ow who has ears like me? Oh...yeah, I am a big, brown boy!" (Ahem....note to JM.....you are pasty like your mama......you will never be brown....accept it! I think this last lyric has to do with the book, Guess How Much I Love You that his daddy has been reading to him. It has Big Nut Brown Hare and Little Nut Brown hare. He is obsessed with it.)

Rock and Roll Boy asked his mama to join in for a one time performance, but quickly booted her off the stage when she insisted on singing, "Humpty Dumpty is a big, fat egg!" Artists are so particular about their music!

Never a dull moment around here!

Still Here!

After staring down the WORST hurricane to hit the BR area......EVER....I am relieved to say that all is well at the Castle of Mayhem. We escaped any major damage and......(DRUM ROLL PLEASE) we got our electricity back on last night. We even broke curfew to speed over here! The entire southern part of the state is on lock down due to the overwhelming lack of power everywhere! I must add that I am very surprised that the devastation here is not getting much attention on the national news. (I could be wrong......I haven't watched a lot of tv in a many days....but the news around here is reporting that) Don't get me wrong....I am THRILLED that New Orleans did not suffer as much as predicted...but there are a LOT of people here who ARE.....some may not get their power back for WEEKS! (And....don't even get me started on Ike making a bee line for the gulf!)



I cannot begin to tell you how much your kind words meant to me. I am continually awed by the wonderful concern of virtual strangers.....it really made me feel better!



In typical Queen style, I thought I would share a few thoughts about my experience, list style:



1. Bobby Jindal kicks arse. This man had more accomplished in one day to help the victims of the storm than that idiot,Blanco, did the entire time after Katrina. He is intelligent, articulate, and ORGANIZED. I heart him! I truly believe this man will be president one day....and he will DEFINITELY have my vote!



2. Losing electricity sucks beyond all comprehension. Losing it while entertaining 2 kids (one of which is JM), one dog, one cat, and one mother-in-law is too horrific to even discuss! Can we say heat and humidity are evil?



3. Eating panic bought supply foods will make you fat......VERY fat! Either that or the mass quantities of alcohol needed to survive #2!



4. Being hot makes me very grouchy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



5. Seeing the lines for food and gas around here makes me wonder if this is what a third world country is like. Then I get over myself and realize that, in the third world country, they don't even have the goods to stand in line for! ( My friend was in line for 4 hours to get gas for her generator.)



6. I will own a generator and a window air unit. I do NOT care about the cost.....I will sell my youngest child if I need to! If nothing else.......this oppressive heat has taught me that! (Oh.....and it will be a nice one....none of this only running fans nonsense!!!!)



7. I threw out everything in my freezer and my refrigerator HOURS before my power came back on! Now......most of it was ruined anyway.......but I am SURE some of it could have been salvaged! Darn me and my obsessive ways......but the kitchen and garage (where my freezer is) was beginning to stink! Oh well.....just another reason to shop.....once there are stores open...I mean!



8. We are blessed beyond comprehension. We had no damage, only lost power for three days and none of my family was injured. (My parents and sister have significant damage....but nobody was hurt!)



So......we are safe and sound.......finally cool again.....able to watch our beloved cable tv......snuggled in with my sister and BIL, their two dogs and my entire family! We are lucky......we are happy.....we can finally relax!



Now.......if only Ike and Josephine will stay the H*LL away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!