Mayhem Christmas 2008

As the fervor of the Christmas holidays finally starts to dwindle, I have time to reminisce about the highs and lows of our Mayhem Christmas.

We spent Christmas Eve night at my mother's house. All four of us...crowded into one small room. Between The Princess hacking her lungs up all night long, Mr. Mayhem room shaking snoring, and Junior Mayhem sleeping on what sounded like wrapping paper every time he turned over.....no one awoke in a grand mood...... least of all Junior Mayhem. He was in a funk and did not hesitate to let us all know. He even went so far as to announce that he, "did not want or like this present!" You can imagine how proud I was at that moment!

Overall, barring some nasty moods at times, the holiday went relatively smoothly. We ate too much, visited with family and friends, and received more gifts than we could ever use! It was great!

Here are some pics from the day!

It is Darth Vader's evil twin.....Pantsless Darth!

The Princess played her new DS....ALL DAY LONG!

Here TP is reading, "The Jolly Christmas Postman" to JM

Leaving out food for the reindeer

TP and I at a Christmas Tea

Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday!

One Holy Terror

So....a tall redhead walks into a church.....she falls in love with the preacher (his message.....PEOPLE....focus) and decides to become a member. Three glorious years pass without so much as a hitch. She makes many friends, becomes active in many different aspects of the church ministries, and continues to learn so much from the gifted minister. It is a beautiful thing! Then....the church secretary decides that this lovely lady and her family would make excellent candidates to do the Advent reading and light candles during the church service......and it all took a sad, sad turn from there.

It all sounded simple enough..........Mr. Mayhem reads the scripture while the kids and I smile, look pretty, and light the candles. Oh....how foolish we were to think that ANYTHING happens easily when Junior Mayhem is involved!

The service starts off and Mr. Mayhem has NO idea what we are supposed to be doing. He doesn't know if we need to sit in a certain place, he doesn't when we are supposed to go up, he doesn't where the lighter is for the candles, he doesn't know which candles we are supposed to light (okay.....I knew this one....but I was in a momentary panic)......he doesn't know JACK SH**! (Did I mention he was in charge of this operation?"

We make it through the opening songs, somehow, with our marriage still in tact and we find some of our answers on the program. It turns out we will be doing our part after the children's choir performs. This is the same choir that JM initially finds himself on the stage with......even though he is NOT in the choir....and has NO idea the songs, nor choreography they will soon exhibit. They brought him there straight from Sunday School. Luckily, my friend sees him and brings him to sit with her before too much damage can be done!

Let me break down the 3 minutes we were on the altar down for you with a blow by blow mistake meter:

Mistake #1: Bringing JM into "adult church" in the first place. Another great selling point of my church is the fact that children attend a different service....and for that hour.....he is somebody else's problem!

Mistake #2: Telling The Princess she can light the candles. She can't work the lighter. (Which is kind of the point....I suppose....of the safety lock.) I figure this out after I watch her struggle for the first 15 seconds. This catches JM's attention too...and so the fun begins.

Mistake #3: Letting TP put her hand by mine so it is like we are lighting the candles together. Cue the noise from JM that goes something like, "I want to light a candle........I want to light a candle.....Please, PLEASE, PLEASE!"

Mistake #4: Picking up JM so he can pretend to help me light a candle. Then he wanted to light the pink candle (that's for the fourth week of Advent) and loudly insisted upon it.

Mistake #5: Staying near the altar while the preacher led a prayer after the reading. Not only did JM not want to bow his head, he attempted to leave the area......and I was forced to do the dreaded mom action of the underarm squeeze (all the while with my head lowered as though I was praying......and I was.....praying that I would not kill my son in front of all these witnesses!!!)

After what seemed like an eternity, Mr. Mayhem finished with the reading and we could head back to the safety of our seats. I whisper to JM (after his tries again, unsuccessfully, to pull away from me) that I will spank him if he does not stop. He takes this to mean I am taking him out to spank him ( I really was just taking back to children's church) and starts to moan, "No....Mama....I don't want a spanking!"

So...I pretty much separated his shoulder as I drug him out of the sanctuary as quickly as possible! ( Okay....maybe it didn't separate....but we did move VERY quickly!)

I am really going to miss that church!

I Wouldn't Have Believed it...if I Hadn't Seen It!!!!!

There are many sights I am used to beholding, living in the deep south. Capri pants and flip flops nearly year round, pickup trucks, the occasional mullet come to mind.......but NEVER........NEVER EVER did I expect to see what was waiting for me when I awoke this morning.

Actually....when I was rudely jarred from my slumber by a beeping alarm. At 5:30 this morning the annoying beep was accompanied by my ringing cell phone. Oh....and then there was the COMPLETE darkness and frigid house temperature that accompanied the lack of electricity in my house. Our alarm was set and always beeps when the power goes out.....which is ENTIRELY too often if you ask me.....but I digress. Mr. Mayhem sleepily punched in the code as I lumbered through the dark house to find my phone. I answered to hear my mom exclaiming, "Look out your window!"

When I did, I was SHOCKED to see a blanket of SNOW on the ground. SNOW....in the deep, DEEP south? I can't even remember the last time it snowed here and certainly I had NEVER seen it falling like this! In my haste I opened the front door, only to set off the alarm (the one that was not supposed to be working because the power was off....the one my husband had disarmed moments earlier) and scare the holy hades out of my children.

I realize that snow in December is not that surprising for some......but here......it. just. doesn't. happen. MUCH LESS LIKE THIS!

So.....we had ourselves a real, live snow day........a blizzard, if you will! Did I mention the temperature should be in the 70's by Sunday? Yeah....we're all going to be sick!

Enjoy......deep south snow day fun!

This is what my yard looked like...when I was outside....BEFORE THE SUN CAME UP!!

Seriously.....I could not even wrap my mind around what I was seeing!

Junior Mayhem was not all that impressed at first. Oh....and it's not like we are really prepared for this kind of weather down here....either!

This is what my neighbor's house looked like.

Here's what our house looked like...and YES....we are, indeed, the Griswalds!

Here's our backyard and swingset.

The snow was DEEP, people! We just couldn't get over it!!!!!

Can you see the flower trying to bloom on my Camellia bush? Nobody saw this coming!

Getting a little more acclimated to the cold!

Now he's loving life!

Here's our snowman! His arms are curly willow from a flower arrangement in my house, his face is beer bottle caps (CLASSY) and his buttons are charcoal.

Random Notes from a Frazzled Woman

Okay....so I can't seem to emerge from my blogging funk. I think it is this school year that is kicking my behind.....that, and my kids and husband....OH...and one pain in the arse cat!

I thought I would share a few things that are going down here at the Mayhem. I could probably do an entire post on each....but...if you read before I am kind of in a funk!

1. Remember when I said someone stole my wallet? I went on a tirade about,"giving thanks for people who steal other people's things"? Yeah....well....I had a message on my machine when I got home from school yesterday. My local librarian left a message and said a patron had called and because he found my wallet. She didn't give him any of my information....but she left me his name and number. It would seem he and his grandson found it while riding 4 wheelers. Where did they find it? Well....where ALL wallets are supposed to be.....in the ditch on the side of the highway! You might think this plays perfectly into my "Woe is me....people stole my sh*t" plight...EXCEPT it had everything in it.....even the coins! This caused me to remember that one of the times I was FLYING home to check for my missing wallet I saw what I thought was a big rock hit my windshield. It didn't leave a crack and I was slightly distracted at the time.....so I didn't think of it again. I am supposing THAT was my wallet flying off the top of my SUV! The nice man who found it searched for me for a week. My driver's license had my old address on it...and so he couldn't find me in the large town where I used to live. My last name is VERY common and made it difficult to find me EVEN in the small town I live in now. He finally called the library to get them to contact me. See.....there are good people left in this world! I just sent him a thank you note with a gift card to Barnes and Noble to show my appreciation!

2. The Princess and Junior Mayhem were in my brother's wedding this weekend. There was never a question as to whether TP would perform beautifully under pressure....but JM? That was another story! I told my brother I would rent the tux and bring him to the ceremony...but that was all I could promise. A wise friend advised me to have a treat waiting for him, if he did what he was supposed to do. After walking down the aisle with a PRECIOUS smile on his face he exclaimed (LOUDLY) "Yay! Now can I have my Transformer?" The entire wedding found it most amusing.

3. Speaking of JM....he has been getting in a little more trouble in school lately. I had told him that if he was "on red" (discipline charting thing) again he would get a spanking. Wouldn't you know.....he came home today on red! Knowing the fate that awaited him, he starting making statements like, "I feel like I really want to go to Wal-Mart." "I want to go to my Mimi's house." And my PERSONAL favorite, "Our house is a dangerous place.....people could get in trouble there!"

4. The Princess is racing toward tweenhood faster than I want to admit. How do I know.....check out a recent conversation:

Queen: "Aren't we supposed to come and watch you perform at theater next week?"

TP: "What?"

Q: "Didn't you tell me, RIGHT before I took you to theater (1 1/2 hours AGO) that we were supposed to watch you perform for Christmas?"

TP: "Where would we perform?"

Q: Starting to lose my patience " How am I supposed to know that....didn't you JUST come out of class.....what did they say?"

TP: 'Well, they didn't really mention anything about it.'

Q: " They didn't mention anything about the event that is supposed to happen the next time we come??????!!!!"

TP: " No. It may be the next week."

Q: Turning the music up louder.....(thinking) "I need a cocktail!"

Hope all is well with you. I will be around to visit soon!