Of course, I am back to share another story of woe in the kingdom of Mayhem....because I know all the readers that have probably LONG since given up on me LOVE to hear me whine!
We recently returned from a family vacation to the beach. While this sounds exciting enough, what with the sand, sun, and fun, it was actually a RECIPE FOR DISASTER!
Ingredients:
1 set of grandparents
1 family Mayhem
1 sister/brother-in-law equipped with newborn baby
1 mediocre condo
OH.....and the MOST important ingredient of ALL..........one raging case of the stomach flu
Directions:
1. Set all unknowing parties on a doomed pilgrimage to beach. Marinate sister and brother-in-law in stomach flu earlier in the week, but allow them to feel better the day of trip.....just so they can think they have recovered.
2. Throw in a dash of newborn baby......one that never got sick.....but obviously became a carrier of the dreaded bug.
3. Have all 9 participants arrive at beach condo, only to find it less than stellar....with older furniture and SMALL accommodations.
4. Just for good measure, throw in a refrigerator and freezer that quits working.....so the majority of the food they purchase can have a chance to spoil.
5. On the one afternoon that EVERYONE actually feels well, pour in one teaspoon of curious five year old. You know.......the type that sees fit to dial 911 on the phone in the bedroom that you didn't even know was there.
6. Be sure to leave out answering the condo phone as you know no-one would be calling you on it and it is probably just a telemarketer. (It couldn't possibly be the police checking on numerous 911 call/hang ups!)
7. Add a heaping cup of police officer when they show up at the door of said condo to see if there is a problem.
8. Drizzle in an enormous helping of embarrassment as you profusely apologize for keeping him from helping people in REAL trouble! (OPTIONAL: Grate in a small portion of your "Mother of the Year" trophy.....because you sent 5 year old into bedroom, closed door, and told him to entertain himself with toys and TV so you could relax and drink a cocktail.)
9. Next, fold in multiple cases of the stomach flu. Add these in slowly.....so it can last throughout the duration of the trip.
10. If mixture becomes too thick, you can remove 1 set of grandparents who left a day early....so my father could escape the SICK.
11. Finally, sprinkle an inability to see fireworks on the fourth and two upset children about that fact and season to taste.
There you have it..........a recipe for disaster.......AND the worst trip I have ever taken in my life!!!
At least we are all feeling better.....now that we're HOME!
16 Knelt before the Queen:
I too am having a fling with facebook...f***ing cheater.
I also know about small children calling to police, truly a time to embrace your child and try not to choke them.
Finally it is good to have you back QSB
Oh no!! lol Poor thing. That vaca sounds dreadful.
Hmmm, does sound like a thrilling time.
dude, that is hideous
You definitely visited a level of hell. So glad it's over.
Oh you poor thing - that sounds aweful. Glad you survived it and made it back 'healthy'.
Does this mean you are ready for school to start soon? :)
~K
Like I said...come visit.
Wow! And I thought my life was crazy!
you kind of made the sound fun with your recipe! Just kidding. That totally stinks. And yes we've missed you!
facebook is better, sadly.
Sounds like a typical family vacation to me! So when's the next one?
Ok, you are right. I feel so much better about my craptastic day now! LOL! Better times ahead, better times. I'm glad I have a bloggy friend like you to help me keep it all in perspective...I just wish you lived closer so we could go drown our sorrows in a few martinis! :)
Wow someone in your family must have pissed in God's cornflakes to get that treatment. All you were missing was a car accident or natural disaster to cap it all off.
Welcome home.
Okay, now that I'm done laughing, can I just say I'm laughing with you? (I wouldn't dare laugh at - because I've had hideous vacations too, although they didn't involve 911, thank goodness.)
You have an awesome sense of humor. Great post.
Uggh, but it makes for a funny story.
So uh thanks for the laughs.
And seriously if I'd have known you were close to N'awlins I so would have opted in to going to the conference. Damn me for not know that
Oh, we had a family vacation this summer too! I kept singing the new song I wrote myself called "There are 12 personalities in this house".
Great blog you have here. I have a humor blog as well and I would like to exchange links with you. Let me know, either by email or through my site, if this is possible. Jason
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