Of course, I am back to share another story of woe in the kingdom of Mayhem....because I know all the readers that have probably LONG since given up on me LOVE to hear me whine!
We recently returned from a family vacation to the beach. While this sounds exciting enough, what with the sand, sun, and fun, it was actually a RECIPE FOR DISASTER!
Ingredients:
1 set of grandparents
1 family Mayhem
1 sister/brother-in-law equipped with newborn baby
1 mediocre condo
OH.....and the MOST important ingredient of ALL..........one raging case of the stomach flu
Directions:
1. Set all unknowing parties on a doomed pilgrimage to beach. Marinate sister and brother-in-law in stomach flu earlier in the week, but allow them to feel better the day of trip.....just so they can think they have recovered.
2. Throw in a dash of newborn baby......one that never got sick.....but obviously became a carrier of the dreaded bug.
3. Have all 9 participants arrive at beach condo, only to find it less than stellar....with older furniture and SMALL accommodations.
4. Just for good measure, throw in a refrigerator and freezer that quits working.....so the majority of the food they purchase can have a chance to spoil.
5. On the one afternoon that EVERYONE actually feels well, pour in one teaspoon of curious five year old. You know.......the type that sees fit to dial 911 on the phone in the bedroom that you didn't even know was there.
6. Be sure to leave out answering the condo phone as you know no-one would be calling you on it and it is probably just a telemarketer. (It couldn't possibly be the police checking on numerous 911 call/hang ups!)
7. Add a heaping cup of police officer when they show up at the door of said condo to see if there is a problem.
8. Drizzle in an enormous helping of embarrassment as you profusely apologize for keeping him from helping people in REAL trouble! (OPTIONAL: Grate in a small portion of your "Mother of the Year" trophy.....because you sent 5 year old into bedroom, closed door, and told him to entertain himself with toys and TV so you could relax and drink a cocktail.)
9. Next, fold in multiple cases of the stomach flu. Add these in slowly.....so it can last throughout the duration of the trip.
10. If mixture becomes too thick, you can remove 1 set of grandparents who left a day early....so my father could escape the SICK.
11. Finally, sprinkle an inability to see fireworks on the fourth and two upset children about that fact and season to taste.
There you have it..........a recipe for disaster.......AND the worst trip I have ever taken in my life!!!
At least we are all feeling better.....now that we're HOME!
